hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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