You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
