sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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