i can't believe i had my finger in that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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