We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
