u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
