the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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