Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
