dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jerry, you need to find god
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
