I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
