3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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