lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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