my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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