How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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