We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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