How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
