Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
