I think im going to throw up on grandma
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
