sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
