so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
