sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
