hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
