Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
