I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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