Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
