thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
