Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
