Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
