mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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