I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
