Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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