i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
