I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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