So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
