Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
