what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
