onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
