That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
