Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
