when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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