I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
