True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize