I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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