she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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