You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
