My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
