dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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