Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
