casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
