So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
