epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
