I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
