His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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