I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just had sex bonerless
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
