you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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