as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
