I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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