we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
should my penis look like a turkey
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
