im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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