dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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