Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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