the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
