normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
