apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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