the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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