i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you traded sex for a burrito?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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