I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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