We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
