so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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