Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
