I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
