so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
